A few months ago my life literally became a whirlwind. One big, messy, exhausting whirlwind. And when life gets crazy, when things aren't insta-perfect (or at least what social media makes us believe is share-worthy material), apparently the blogging comes to a halt too. I also like to blame it on my crappy computer that I have no patience for. Moving onnnn....
I honestly had a life that looked perfect on the outside. I was 27, a few years into marriage with my high school sweetheart, working a job that I was good at and enjoyed, living in an apartment that we liked, and surrounded by loving family and friends. Although it was good, and I'll be honest there was a lot of good, as time went on I realized this isn't what I wanted. I was growing up and starting to become my person, the person I wanted to be. And something wasn't right. Something needed to be different.
Fast forward a few months, and I mean fast forward because there was a lot of thought, conversation, tears, and dreams that are just way too personal to share with even acquaintences, let alone the world wide web. So fast forward a few months and now I am 27, divorced, still working a job that I'm good at and enjoy, and living in a home that I recently purchased on my own. And although it's been a whirlwind - it's been messy and exhausting, and it definitely hasn't been all smiles and rainbows - I wouldn't change anything about where I am.
It was time to become who I wanted to be and reach for the things I wanted to have and do the things that I wanted to do.
I realize there are a lot of I's in that sentence which means it may sound a little selfish. But I'm ok with that; because I have spent the majority of my 27 years not worrying enough about myself - my needs, wants, desires, and dreams. And it's time for that.
There's this song that says you can't play on broken strings and I love it because it's so true and that's what I was trying to do. I was trying to pick up this guitar that had a few broken strings and make beautiful music. Sure, if you only play songs that don't require you to use the 1 or 2 strings that are broken, you can make some beautiful music. But you get bored with those songs. You can't keep playing the same ones over and over because life is too short to never try out a new one or push yourself with something more challenging.
At some point or another you realize those broken strings are holding you back.
I think everyone can relate to this in some way or another - whether the broken strings be your job, your significant other, a friend, a bad habit, etc. For me it was a multitude of things - not just one person or one thing. But I was ready to step outside the box and move a different direction in life.
And I wasn't ok with trying to play on broken strings. I definitely don't expect it to be perfect. And I don't expect it to always sound good. But I know that eventually, in time, I'll be able to make some beautiful music and I might even find someone who wants to play with me. Until then I'll keep playing, enjoying life, and smiling along the way.
Because if I've learned anything, it's that life is way too short to not dance, sing, laugh, and play some great tunes. Better late than never.