Why is it so hard to talk about weight? I suppose because it has to do with our bodies, confidence, looks, insecurities, and lots of other things that aren't always the most comfortable conversations. I know what I'm trying to write about right now but I'm having a hard time knowing where to start or how to say it. So I think I'll just start writing without trying to sugar-coat anything or worry about how it sounds...
I want to lose weight - about 20 pounds actually, which is a lot. The part that I think is the most embarrassing is that I've done it before: almost 4 years ago I weighed a little over this weight, worked my butt off (literally!), lost over 20 pounds, and felt great about myself in time for our wedding day. Since our wedding day just over 3 years ago, I've slowly put the weight back on. I'm not at my all-time high but I'm close and it's so disappointing to think about having to start all over again.
Feeling like you're starting all over sucks. But I want to.
Not pictured: husband holding train of dress.
I remind myself all the time that I want to do this to be healthy. And although being healthy is not about a number on the scale, I need to get my weight back down to the number where my mind+body feel happy, healthy, and relaxed - my Happy Weight. In the grand scheme of things this is not about being skinny, looking great in a bikini, or having a nice butt; although those would all probably be in the "Top 10 Perks of Being at Your Happy Weight". This is about relieving stress, having a healthy heart, being active, getting good sleep, and feeding my body energizing foods.
My pants don't feel comfy - unless you count my leggings as pants. I don't enjoy getting dressed in the morning. I don't really feel like shopping for clothes. These are all things that just feel like a complete bummer right now. I've been working harder for the past 4ish weeks, but I haven't been giving it 100%. Sure, I've been to the gym and have been making some better eating choices in the past 30 days, but I've only lost like 2 pounds and I know I can do better. I want to do better. I want to be at that Happy Weight again and I don't want to let myself use Thanksgiving, Christmas, Veteran's Day, Election Day, Boxing Day or any other holiday as an excuse. I want to start the 2014 New Year with a resolution to 'keep living a healthy life and mantain my weight', rather than 'start living a healthier life and lose weight'.
Anyone else with me or ever struggle with this?
And on a serious note: Thank you to all of our Veterans who have served our country and all the men and women who are doing so currently. We are lucky to live in a country protected by those brave men and women.